Every Dog Has Its Day.

We had a houseguest for most of last week, and she was a real bitch. No really... she was a little female puppy that was running in the street when Hobey and I were walking to the park on Monday morning. She had a collar but no tag, appeard to be healthy and maybe six to nine months old. Nobody was running after her, and I couldn't just leave her roaming the street, so I got her to follow me and Hobey home. It didn't take much coaxing. She was very friendly and happily joined our conga line.

Mr. Remarkable Monkey took her to our vet to see if she was microchipped. She was, but the chip was still registered to Broward County Animal Control. We called them with the chip number to see if they could tell us who had adopted her. As it was Monday, they were closed, and the person who answered the phone didn't seem interested in being helpful. All he said was "the chip was never updated after adoption." Duuuuh! Ya think? But they have to have some record of who adopted her, right? I figured we might get a better result if we called the next day when they were open, so we posted some flyers around the neighborhood hoped we could find the owner quickly.

The next day I called Broward County again, and this time a very helpful gentleman gave me a name, phone number and address of someone here in Tampa who had adopted the pup. I called the number and got a generic voice mail greeting. I left a message saying we found his dog and gave our cell and home numbers, thinking surely he'd be relieved to know his pup was safe and sound, and waiting to come home. We didn't hear back, and because the address we were given was slightly off (the street we were given doesn't have the directional designation that was included), I wondered if the phone number might also be a digit or two off. So I Googled the name, and found a few area residents. We tried to contact a few of them, but got no response or the dog wasn't theirs.

On Wednesday I tried another internet search again, and this time found a listing with the same name and the correct street address. Bingo! That allowed me to determine the apartment complex the guy lived in. Since we still hadn't heard from him, I called the complex manager and explained the situation. I knew they wouldn't be able to give me any information, but I asked if they could get a message to this person if he did indeed live there. The manager was more than happy to help, and even called me later to let me know she had left a message for the guy.

He finally called us back on Thursday morning and said "Oh I gave that dog away a couple months ago." We asked who he gave her to so that we could get her back to them. He said, "I don't know... somebody in the dog park who said they wanted her." Riiiiiiiiiight. It's pretty obvious that douchebag dumped her. Poor pup! In the meantime we'd been fostering her, reluctant to take her our county animal services as the Humane Society requires for any strays found so that their owners can locate them. I wondered if they'd now make an exception since we already tracked down the owner and he didn't want her.

Hobey displayed an amazing amount of patience
with our exuberant visitor!

Now, she was a very sweet and affectionate pup, but the monkey cage is ill equipped to handle an energetic and poorly trained young dog. She wasn't fully housebroken but had the general idea. She also seemed pretty smart, but mischievous! She was a playful little thing, and she absolutely adored Hobey and wanted to be right next to him all the time. Little Goo (short for Goober) as we called her, would get in Hobey's face wanting to play. Hobey would growl at her, which she took to mean "Game on!", and she'd start swatting and jumping at him, wanting to play. Poor old Hobey is starting to have arthritis and mobility issues and couldn't get away from her. She was really too much for him. As sweet and loving as she was, it wouldn't be fair to him to bring a rambunctious pup into our home, nor would it be fair to her. So we had to find her a home quick, or we'd have to take her to a shelter or rescue.

Thankfully, after spreading the word and photos to all our pals and asking them to pass it along, a coworker of a friend called on Friday to ask if she could come by and see Little Goo. Said she'd been thinking about getting a dog for a while and wanted to come and meet her. She came the next day, and I think it took all of about 30 seconds for her to fall in love with her. Five minutes later, she said she wanted to take her home. Yaaaaay!!!

We kept the pup a while longer and packed up a bag with some toys, treats and food while her new mom went to get a crate and other necessities. And then she came back, loaded pup in the car and we had to say goodbye to L'il Goo. Honestly, I was a little sad to see her go, but so very happy and relieved that she was going to a good and loving home.

Little Goo... behave yourself, obey your new mommy, give her lots love, and grow up to be a good doggy!

As for the feckless wonder who abandoned her, I can only hope Karma repays him tenfold. Personally, I think he should be hitched to a truck bumper by his ankles and dragged naked through a cactus field, but maybe it's just me.

Where Did the Time Go?

I'm not quite sure how over a month has gone by since the last post. They say time flies when you're having fun... not that I was having loads of fun from late October until now. (Although I did have SOME fun.) So what has kept me from this blog so long? Hmmm...

At first, I was reluctant to blog so close to the election. Just didn't seem prudent to open up THAT can of worms. I would like to say this though... to all the Republicans who pledged to make it their mission to see to it that Obama was a one-term president: your juvenile plan failed. So now will all of you... BOTH parties... stop acting like a bunch of schoolyard idiots and work together to resolve some of our country's issues? Please?? Can ya do that?? Riiiiiight... I'll be here holding my breath. And just so ya know, if I gotta hear the phrase "fiscal cliff" one more time I'm gonna lose it. Seriously... do your effin' job!!

Employment here in the monkey cage has been a mixed bag. My job status is shaky... our company is facing a major financial drop due to a huge cut in our clients' advertising budgets. We're working hard to generate new business, but we just don't know what the future holds. I'm trying to stay positive, but I may be out of work myself in a few months. Fortunately, Mr. Remarkable Monkey is tentatively scheduled to start a new job next week! Wooohooo! He's just waiting on the official paperwork. Of course, neither of us will be able to really relax until it's a done deal. As long as one of us has a steady full time gig, we'll be okay. But the past couple of months or so have been a bit stressful to say the least, leaving me mostly just wanting to veg out in the little bit of down time I have.

We celebrated Mr. RM's birthday a couple weeks ago which was fun. But then a few days later, we suddenly and unexpectedly lost a good friend and former hockey teammate. It was quite a shock, as we had just seen him at the party. He was a great guy... the guy we all wanted to be like when we grew up. He was older than most of our group of pals, but you'd never guess it, and we expected he'd outlast us all. It's hard to believe that he's gone. We hadn't seen him in a few months, and we're so thankful that we had that last chance to enjoy his company at the party. You always think there's plenty of time... and then suddenly you realize that anything could happen in no time at all.

I was reminded of that again this week, on what would have been my father's birthday. Another example of time that slipped away... he ran out of time before I managed to make my way out to Hawaii to see him after so many years. Mr. RM and I raised a glass of Glenfiddich and toasted his memory. (I still haven't acquired a taste for scotch... that bottle will undoubtedly last me for years!)

And so I find myself hoping that I can pay more attention to making good use of my time moving forward. It's easy to put things off... life has a habit of getting in the way and screwing up your priorities. Don't get me wrong, vegging out is still a necessary exercise from time to time. But I hope I can be a bit more mindful of the important things and make more time to spend on them: friends, family, learning new things, professional pursuits, even simple pleasures like reading! I can't remember the last time I did a crossword puzzle. I've been meaning to learn how to really use my sewing machine for a couple years. And I still haven't finished knitting the baby blanket I started for my grandniece last year.

Where DID the time go? I guess I just don't manage it well. I don't know if I'll really be able to get a better handle on it, but I'm going to try. And all that lost time? Maybe someday soon I'll find it. Wish me luck!

Life Lesson From a Moth in the Shower

I do some of my best thinking in the shower. I'm not sure why. Maybe it's the relaxing qualities of cascading warm water combined with the aromatherapy of fruity-scented shampoo and the not-quite-awake-yet state of my brain in the morning. Whatever it is, while in the midst of my morning ablutions, I often find an answer to whatever creative problem needs solving for work, or come up with ideas for assorted personal pursuits. I've even been known, on the rare occasion, to momentarily leave the shower, dripping wet, to jot down an idea before it evaporates and slides down the drain with the soap bubbles, much to Mr. RM's amusement. (He already thinks I'm a little nuts, and he's probably right.)

Yesterday, as I was absentmindedly rinsing the conditioner out of my hair, I noticed a small moth on the bathroom window. It was walking on the window pane, moving erratically around in a tiny area. I couldn't tell if it was enjoying the steam and the light mist and just angling for better coverage (it didn't seem to be particularly distressed), or if it was trying to get out through the glass.

I thought to myself, "Poor dumb bug. If it's trying to get out, it's wasting its time trying to go through the glass. Duuuuh. Too bad it doesn't realize that all it has to do is go the other way... fly out of the bathroom and down the hall to the front door or the back door, and then hang out until someone opens it. Long way around, but the only way it's ever gonna get outside."

And then it occurred to me that the moth's plight was a pretty accurate metaphor for life sometimes. We often waste a lot of time pushing and pushing to get through the glass because we can see what we want and where we want to be just on the other side of it. "It's right there!!" we say to ourselves. "Why can't I just get through this stupid glass?? It's RIGHT THERE!!!" We get so blinded by the vision of our goal that we often stubbornly keep pounding away at the same roadblock, forgetting to consider there might be a different way to get there.

Sometimes, you have to back up a few steps and reroute your path because you just can't get there from here for one reason or another. Sometimes, that window is just never going to open and give you the opportunity to fly directly to your goal. Like that moth, none of us wants to have to turn around, fly out of the bathroom and take the longer circuitous route all the way down the hall to the door that WILL eventually open and allow us to get to our destination, but sometimes that's the only way to get there. And in the end, you'll probably reach that goal faster by taking the long way around than by endlessly beating your head against the closest window or wall that refuses to budge.

"Wow," I thought to myself drowsily. "What a deep and meaningful analogy,"

And then I thought, "Right. I should really try to get more sleep."

A Bolt From the Blue

The NHL is currently indulging in another lockout, with neither the players or owners seemingly willing to budge on how revenue is divided... revenue that reached a record $3.3 billion last year. $3.3 BILLION. That honey pot is currently split with the owners getting 43% and players getting 57%. The owners now want it split 50/50, which means the players will take a 12% pay cut. Naturally, the players don't want to do that.

Personally, I'm disgusted with both sides. To be totally honest, I've been a bit sour on the NHL since the last lockout in 2004-2005. I used to be an avid fan, especially of our own hometown Lightning, and enjoyed watching whatever NHL game was on ESPN or Versus or whatever channel we could find a game on. But when the owners and players forfeited an entire season squabbling over money, I lost my taste for the league. And now they're back at it.

Now, I can totally understand the players not wanting to take a 12% pay cut, but it's not like they're being asked to take a 12% pay cut on a $50,000 annual salary, which was about what the average US household income was in 2011. The minimum NHL player salary for the 2011-2012 season, per the last collective bargaining agreement, was $525,000. That's over a half a million dollars. A 12% pay cut would bring it down to $462,000 if my math is right. Goodness! How could we possibly ask someone to live comfortably on that paltry amount? Those poor, downtrodden lowest earners in the NHL... what a struggle they'd go through to make ends meet. Oh how they'd suffer! Such a tragedy. (Can you smell the sarcasm, people?) At the average US household income, it would take about nine years to earn what the lowest paid NHL player would make in one year, even after that 12% pay cut. NINE YEARS.

I'm not saying the owners are right in asking for such an abrupt and significant shift in the distribution of revenues. They agreed to the current numbers in the last CBA, so it seems a bit rapacious for them to be demanding such a quick jump in the new one. But the real problem is that neither side has yet to talk about this issue in their negotiations, even though it's the main point of contention! Come on, fellas... there's plenty of money for everybody. But by the time you figure it out and end the lockout, I'm guessing revenues will probably be down over last year. Maybe it's just me, but there are probably a lot of other soon-to-be-former fans who won't bother coming back to support the NHL. Y'all get paid for playing a game... a game that a lot of average slobs struggle to even be able to afford to play in local rec leagues.

Which leads me to the one bright spot I did see last week that gives me a shred of hope for the NHL, or at least for the Tampa Bay Lightning. It was a segment on the local news about the startup of a local recreational hockey league for military veterans. Hockey is an expensive sport to play. I can attest to that fact from past personal experience, being a former co-ed rec league player for several years. Ice time doesn't come cheaply, and neither does the equipment. The founder of this league, a veteran himself, is trying to make it affordable so that veterans can enjoy the physical activity and the camaraderie of being part of a hockey team. And here's where the Lightning come in... Since the ice at the Forum isn't being used due to the NHL lockout, the Lightning has allowed the Veterans Hockey League to use it. That's some fine ice, there! I had the privilege of playing on it myself a couple of times a few years ago. They also donated their practice jerseys, and have committed to giving the veterans league ice time even when the lockout ends. What a great way to show appreciation for their service to our country!

Yes, that's really me... making a snow angel at center ice at
the Forum, which was still called the Ice Palace at the time.

Tampa Bay Lightning owner Jeff Vinik is a class act. Despite the BS going on with the CBA negotiations, Mr. Vinik remains high in my regard. I have a nephew currently serving in Afghanistan. He played hockey as a kid, and it warms my heart to know that he may be able to enjoy playing in this league someday. Hopefully, he'll be able to skate on the ice at the Forum too.

If you'd like more information about the Veterans Hockey League, or if you're a vet interested in playing in the league, check out their website here. They also have a Facebook page, a Twitter account, and LinkedIn page. If you're lucky enough to find you have a few extra dollars to spare, I'm sure they'd appreciate a donation. I'll bet even those impoverished and beleaguered NHL players and owners could cough up a couple nickels if they were so inclined. If you ask me, I think both sides should take 49% of the revenues, and establish a charitable fund to benefit organizations like the Veterans Hockey League with the remaining 2%. But I won't hold my breath.

Ahoy, Matey!

Photo lifted from menstylefashion.com

How is it that only this past weekend did I become aware of Johnny Depp's breakup with his longtime companion/baby mama? Oh wait... I know how... I don't spend much (any) time on fan sites and gossip portals. In fact, I also didn't know that he's playing Tonto in the upcoming Disney "Lone Ranger" movie. Heck... I didn't even know there was going to BE a Lone Ranger flick. But I digress. Back to the issue at hand: The lovely Mr. Depp is potentially available once again.

Don't get me wrong, he truly has my deepest sympathy regarding the recent end of his long-term relationship. In fact, I'm so sympathetic to his plight that I'd be more than happy to provide a comforting shoulder and a compassionate ear should he find himself in need of friendly reassurance.

I've had my eye on Johnny Depp since "21 Jump Street" premiered on the then-fledgling Fox network. (Yes, I realize that statement dates me somewhat. I'm getting to be an old broad. So? I'm still younger than he is.) Since then, he's often chosen interesting and/or quirky movie roles, and has turned in some brilliant performances in them. He is an exceptionally gifted actor. I have not seen all his films... and yes, there are certainly some bombs in his body of work, but the myriad of vastly different roles he's taken on speaks for itself.

Arrrrgh, indeed!

But I, like a gajillion other smitten ladies, would probably agree that his best-loved role has been that of Captain Jack Sparrow. Who doesn't like a charming pirate, right? And Johnny Depp makes Jack Sparrow such an irresistible scoundrel! That man just shivers me timbers. He can plunder my booty any time! I'd like to walk HIS plank. (Sorry... had to get those pirate double entendres out of my system.) But seriously, I'd love to hoist a Jolly Roger with him. He can even pillage my dubloons. Yo-ho-ho, baby! (Couldn't resist.)

So, if Mr. Depp happens to stumble upon this blog, I'd like him to know that I'm available for dinner, lunch, movie premiers, etc. I'm also willing to be a backup singer for his band. (I do have some singing experience. Booyah!) Plus, we have something in common... we both look good in hats. Seriously, that man can wear the hell out of a hat! He seems to have an affinity for headwear, and I don't think any other man in Hollywood can match his dashing visage in one. I'd even massage his back since he recently injured it during filming of that Lone Ranger movie. It would be a sacrifice, but I'm a generous and giving person.

My husband will understand. Mr. Remarkable Monkey knows that Johnny Depp is one of only a few gentlemen I'd consider leaving him for.

Right. Like I and those gajillion other smitten ladies would ever stand a chance.
A girl can dream, though. ****siiiiigh****

So That's What the Underside of a Bus Looks Like...

Very recently, Mr. Remarkable Monkey was suddenly and unexpectedly forced to join the ranks of the unemployed. Yes, friends, he was fired from his job... the same job where just a few short months ago he received high praise and a big raise. How is this possible, you ask? It's quite simple really. He was railroaded. He was thrown under the bus and fired for a mistake someone else made.

What happened was a piece of specialized equipment his company makes was shipped without a necessary small part. The equipment is tested before shipping, but the fitting used in the test procedure evidently doesn't fit with that small part in place. And in this case, it was never put back on before it was shipped to the client.

Only two people in the small company work on that particular model... Mr. RM and his supervisor, who is the son of one of the co-owners of the company. Mr. RM is 99.999% sure he did not work on that particular piece of equipment. But because there are no quality control measures or procedural checklists, he has no way to prove that he didn't build that one. Even in the unlikely event that he DID build it, is it really better to fire someone for a mistake instead of learning from it and improving procedures to prevent it happening again?

When the other owner (not the supervisor's father,) who is a hothead, discovered it had been shipped without that little part, a screaming match ensued between him and the son/supervisor. Mr. RM happened to be in the same room working at the time, but was smart enough (we thought) not to get into the middle of that, even when asked if he had anything to add.

The next morning, son/supervisor pulls Mr. RM outside and tells him he has to let him go because of the mistake. WTF?? Co-owner wanted someone's head to roll, and it wasn't gonna be other owner's son's. But seriously... son/supervisor KNOWS it wasn't Mr. RM's mistake, and evidently didn't have the cojones to own it himself. (Or if he did, it didn't make a difference to Hothead.) Instead he spouted some BS about Mr. RM having been on thin ice for a few months now because of a couple of loose screws on another piece of equipment.

Yes, there were loose screws... once... and Mr. RM accepted the blame for those readily, learned from it and it never happened again. Not once did anyone ever tell him he was on "thin ice" for that one mistake or for any other reason. It should also be noted that son/supervisor has also made critical errors from time to time, as has hothead co-owner who demanded the firing. With no standard procedures or quality control checks, mistakes are bound to happen from time to time, by everyone employed there.

Keep in mind that both son/supervisor and another superior signed off on the piece of equipment before it shipped as well. If they were the last checkpoint, why didn't they do a better job of ensuring the missing part was replaced before shipping it? Why aren't there better quality control measures in place? Why haven't they developed a procedural checklist to avoid simple mistakes like that? Maybe it's just me, but it seems like if it's that damn important, there would be a better system in place. What are they gonna do next time someone makes a mistake? Fire them too? They either won't have many employees left, or they'll be perpetually training new hires.

But the soap opera doesn't end there. Rumor has it that another shouting match involving son/supervisor happened last week, leading to a subsequent meeting with him at HR. We have no idea what happened there, but speculation is that father/co-owner/founder may have said something to effect of "If he goes, I go." And then there would probably be no company, because we think he basically started the it so son/supervisor would have a job in the first place. Again, this is just speculation.

The whole thing just stinks. Mr. RM was given no written notice of termination or any info such as final paycheck, COBRA, etc. He spoke with the parent company's HR department and was told there's no severance and COBRA info will be mailed to him. He requested an exit interview and was told they don't usually do that when someone is terminated, but she'll send him the paperwork and is interested in what he has to say. I'll bet she is! Especially after the continued drama with son/supervisor! What a freakin' circus. The other employees are shaken up and wondering when the axe will hit them, too. I wouldn't doubt that resumes are being dusted off right now.

If we didn't live in Florida, Mr, RM might have grounds to pursue legal action for wrongful termination. Unfortunately, Florida is a "right to work" state, which apparently means you can be fired just because the boss doesn't like the way you look. Add the lack of documentation to support Mr. RM's claim, and it would be even more difficult to prove. So there's little reason to even go down that path.

In the meantime, we'll be okay. Fortunately we're not carrying a lot of debt, so we'll just tighten our belts for a while and soldier on. I'm betting Mr. RM lands a much better gig in time. He's feeling a bit stunned, anxious and disoriented right now, but has managed to handle the whole thing with grace and dignity. I'm very proud of him. He deserves so much better than what he got from that company, and now he has the opportunity to find it. He is quite remarkable in his own right!

As for his former supervisors and their company, Mr. RM is being a much better person about it than I. He's not quite comfortable with me ranting about the situation on this blog, and I readily admit there may be other pertinent facts that are unknown to me. But dammit, I'm mad! And personally, I can't help hoping that they reap what they sow.

Sometimes, Life is Just Peachy!

A friend of mine has been living in South Carolina for the past year, and she moved back to our area this week. On Wednesday night, she sent me a text from the road....

"Dude, I scored some fresh picked SC peaches on my way out of town. Last of the season! Who loves ya?!"

As good fortune would have it, SHE loves me.... I met her for lunch today and she brought me some of those SC peaches! A friend who will share her last stash of fresh South Carolina peaches with you is a good and true friend indeed!

You might be thinking, "SC peaches? But isn't Georgia the Peach State? What's the big deal, Monkey?"

Feast your eyes on this peachy treasure!

If you're thinking that, you've obviously never enjoyed a fresh, tree-ripened South Carolina peach. There is nothing like it in the world! Don't get me wrong... Georgia peaches are delicious. But they've got NOTHING on a good SC peach! The flavor of a SC peach just seems more... peachy, more juicy, more sweet-tart... as if everything that makes a peach taste good is concentrated into one delectable fuzzy little package. A fresh ripe SC peach from a roadside stand puts any of the grocery store peaches to shame. They are heavenly.

(Plus, Georgia doesn't have this!)

She also brought me a couple jars of the homemade peach jam she made earlier in the season. Mr. RM and I demolished the jar she sent us a couple months ago. Best peach jam I've ever had... entirely too scrumptious for words.

I grew up in the south, and while I love living here in Tampa Bay, I do sorely miss things like fresh-picked SC peaches, which are hard to find here. So to the divine Ms. L, you have my undying gratitude for this most generous gift! Should you ever find yourself in need of a kidney, or a limb, I will happily offer up one of mine. It would be a paltry thanks in return for these rosy-hued gems of succulent lusciousness!

Now please excuse me while I find a napkin to wipe the juice from my chin....

Mmmmmmmm!!!!!

Muckety Mucks Running Amok

In the immortal words of Goofball in the fictional film "Weekend at Party Pier"...
"We're bein' invaded!"

Yep. Our city is currently being overrun by Republican delegates and big wigs who are here for the Republican National Convention, along with the media circus here to cover it, and the accompanying protesters. Apparently, we've already had credible threats of anarchist attacks, and rumors of plans to blow up our bridges. Oh joy.

We were half hoping Tropical Storm Isaac would head this way. At least that might have kept some of the crazy away. But I guess even Isaac has enough sense to avoid the area this week. We'll just get a glancing blow from him... a few sqalls and enough of a gusty breeze to be really annoying to any of the talking heads who's hair isn't shellacked.

I can only think of one other thing that would be as bad as being invaded by a bunch of Republicans, and that would be being invaded by a bunch of Democrats. (Charlotte, NC will have that dubious honor next week.)

It's not quite September yet and I don't know about you, but I'm already sick and tired of the negative political ads. Mr. RM and I have been exposed to a constant stream of vitriol and mud-slinging rhetoric for the last couple months every time we turn on the TV. I suppose the onslaught of these ads is due to Florida being a swing state. All I know is that we've now started changing the channel whenever one comes on. I'm not sure how much more we can take. We may have to give up TV altogether before election day finally rolls around. (That probably wouldn't be a bad thing.)

Maybe it's just me, but I'd rather hear what a candidate has to say about him- or herself and what they hope to accomplish if elected. I think that's more important than what a candidate has to say about their opponent. If most of your ads are devoted to tearing down the other guy, what does that say about you? Is your platform so weak that pointing fingers at the opposition is your best political move? Tell me why I should vote for YOU, not why you think I shouldn't vote for the other guy.

I saw a report on the news a while back that said studies indicate the negative ads are more effective in swaying people's opinions of a candidate. What that says about our society saddens me.

I am disgusted by the current state of politics in our nation. I think the two-party system is broken. Both parties have become so polarized that they refuse to compromise, cooperate and work together. How can they possibly lead our country?

A couple weeks ago, a pollster called and asked which candidate I was leaning toward in the upcoming election, Obama or Romney? I said "Neither one."

Pollster: "So you haven't made up your mind yet?"

Me: "Oh I've made up my mind... I cannot, in good conscience, vote for either of those two candidates."

Pollster: "Ha ha ha! No, really... if the election was tomorrow, who would you vote for?"

Me: "None of the above."

I am registered as an independent. I don't vote for candidates based on party lines. I look at where each candidate stands on issues that are important to me, and then vote for whichever one's views lie closest to my own. And generally, my ballots end up pretty even split between parties.

Honestly, I don't know how I will vote when I cast my ballot in November. I only know for sure who I WON'T be voting for... and it has nothing to do with party politics. I can't vote for a man who thinks it's perfectly acceptable to drive from Boston to Ontario with the family dog strapped to the top of car in a kennel.

Romney said in another interview that he didn't realize it wasn't legal to do that. To me, legality has nothing to do with it! It's plain old common sense! You don't drive 12 hours on the highway with a dog in a crate on top of the car. Period. If a person lacks the common sense to realize it's wrong (or at the very least questionable) to do that, they sure as hell can't possibly have enough common sense to run the country. So I will not be voting for Mitt Romney.

That being said, I'm not enamored with Obama either. Granted, he inherited the bulk of America's current problems, and it does take time to get things corrected. Still, I'm disappointed at the lack of progress he's made, even though an absence of cooperation and party bickering in Congress has hindered any forward movement.

This election year, I'll be looking into candidates from outside the two major parties. I don't know much about them yet, or even who they are aside from Ron Paul... I haven't had time to read up on them. If I find I can't feel comfortable voting for any of them, I suppose I'll just write in a vote. For whom, I don't know. Maybe Stephen Colbert.

I know a lot of people will say I'd just be throwing away my vote if it doesn't go to one of the two major party candidates. But ya know what? If enough people who feel disenfranchised by our current political system voted their true conscience, maybe soon we'd actually have more than two strong parties. Imagine a Congress that had enough representatives from several parties to break the current cycle of my side/your side bullshit in Washington, DC.

A true multi-party democracy... it could be a beautiful thing.

Monkey at the Movies: R U 4 Real? Srsly? WTF?!!

Mr. Monkey and I went to the movies this weekend. We saw "Batman: The Dark Knight Rises". No review here... y'all are all familiar with the Batman trilogy I'm sure, and you've probably already seen it anyway. It was pretty much what we expected... drama, conflict, gravelly voiced caped crusader, people gettin' beat up, people gettin' shot, blah blah blah... the usual Christopher Nolan Batman fare. Don't get me wrong, it was well done and entertaining. We enjoyed the movie itself. It was our theater experience that we had a problem with.

Now, if you've read this blog much, you're probably aware that Mr. Remarkable Monkey and I tend to see movies after they've been out a while, because we don't like crowded movie theaters. One of the reasons we don't like crowded cinemas is that with more people come more idiots, and neither of us has much patience for idiots. Pack a movie theater full of people and you're bound to get more slack jawed, irritating, rude, loud, smelly and/or obnoxious mouth breathers per square foot than he or I can comfortably deal with. And by comfortably I mean without having to rip a seat cushion from its frame and beat the hell out of someone.

So we were enjoying the Batman flick this weekend, despite some occasional quiet ring tones going off in nearby seats, when near the end of the movie, the woman seated directly in front of me pulled out her phone and started texting. You guys KNOW how much I hate inconsiderate assholes who insist on playing with their phones at the movies.

But being the understanding and sympathetic soul that I am, I didn't immediately haul off and kick her in the head. No. I waited patiently for a few minutes, thinking surely it must be an emergency situation and surely she will turn that shit off post haste. But no. She kept texting for several minutes, even showing her male companion the screen to share a chuckle, and then continued her text conversation. How rude!!

After a few minutes more, I leaned forward and politely said to her, "Excuse me, that's really distracting for the people sitting behind you." Her companion looked at me, but she ignored me and continued to text for another minute or two. Then she finally put her phone away, turned to me and said in a very snotty way, "I'll talk to YOU after the movie."

Oh goody. Can't wait.

So the movie ends, the credits roll, and I patiently waited for Ms. Text-A-Lot to speak up. She finally did, and what did she say? Well, it definitely wasn't an apology. It went something like this:

HER: "I don't appreciate that. I wasn't making any noise. I wasn't even TALKING on the phone!"
ME: "Dude, it doesn't matter. The light from your screen is bright and distracting for everyone behind you."

Of course, I didn't even get to finish the sentence before she's all in my face yelling, "I wasn't makin' no noise! That's why people like YOU need just mind your own fuckin' business!"

ME: "How can I mind my own business when you're flashing it in my face on your phone?"

I don't think she heard me. She was too busy yelling obscenities in her righteous indignation about me basically having the nerve to be inconvenienced by her glaring phone screen detracting from my movie-viewing pleasure. How dare I? She kept on ranting at me as she left the theater. Mr. RM and I just sat there in disbelief and wonderment at her incredible sense of entitlement and her complete lack of social graces.

Whatever, Beeyotch. I'm just sorry your mama didn't raise you right. And all of you other asinine imbeciles who think it's perfectly acceptable to use your phones in a movie theater, IT'S NOT OKAY, dumbass! I didn't pay good money to sit in the theater to be distracted by your brightly lit phone screens while you text your little friends, your boss, your babysitter or whoever it is. If you MUST take a message, step out into the lobby while you do it. Same goes for taking or making calls, or checking your e-mail or newsfeeds. If you can't go two hours without using your phone, DON'T GO TO THE MOVIES!!! Feel free to do that shit in your own living room, but have some common courtesy for those around you at the cinema.

Don't even get me started on the crying babies and toddlers of folks who are too cheap to hire a sitter... unless it's a movie geared for children, leave 'em at home or remove them from the theater if they are crying. You may be immune to the shrieks of your offspring, but the rest of us are not.

I am continuously amazed and baffled by the thoughtless inconsideration of others in public places. Is it just me??

Dragon on the Water

Why is it that cities almost always look better from the water? Is it just the change of perspective? Is it the gentle breeze that's usually found on a body of water? Is it because you're probably enjoying a relaxing activity if you're viewing your city from the water? I don't know. Maybe it's just me.

Launching the dragonboat.

I have a friend who paddles on a dragonboat team. To celebrate her birthday recently, she invited some of her non-paddling pals to join her and a few of her paddling teammates for a sunset paddle down the river. Mr. RM and I were thrilled to be among them! What a great opportunity get a taste of the sport of dragonboating, and to experience a trek through part of our city on the water.

The weather was a bit hot, but we enjoyed beautiful blue skies and the aforementioned breezes on the river. After launching the boat, we loaded it with coolers full of beverages and a few snacks, and climbed in. Our pal's teammates instructed us on proper paddling technique and emergency procedures. And then we were off.

Experienced paddlers at the front of the boat.

There's nothing very difficult about paddling in a dragonboat, but it's hard work! We were going at an easy pace... I can just imagine the workout you'd get at competition speeds! (I'm sure that's a big factor in our friend's enviable muscle tone. Wonder how long it would take before my arms looked as good as hers!)

We took beverage and snack breaks every little while. Let me tell you... there's nothing like a little champagne, a soothing river breeze, and the company of good friends old and new to put you right with the world. And the scenery from the river was the icing on the cake.

Rowing teams' graffiti. It's a tradition.

After we got back to the dock and unloaded the boat, we all headed out for a fabulous dinner. There may be a blog post coming about the funky little joint we went to... we'll definitely be going back!

So although it was our pal's birthday, I feel like Mr. RM and I received the best gift... We got to experience something we may never otherwise have gotten to do, we were introduced to a fabulous new dining option, and we got to spend a memorable evening with a great bunch of people and our good friends.

Our performing arts center, viewed from the river.
Chamber of Freakin' Commerce quality shot right there!

I don't think life gets much better than that.
But maybe that's just me, too.