Tuesday, October 9, 2012

Ahoy, Matey!

Photo lifted from menstylefashion.com
How is it that only this past weekend did I become aware of Johnny Depp's breakup with his longtime companion/baby mama? Oh wait... I know how... I don't spend much (any) time on fan sites and gossip portals. In fact, I also didn't know that he's playing Tonto in the upcoming Disney "Lone Ranger" movie. Heck... I didn't even know there was going to BE a Lone Ranger flick. But I digress. Back to the issue at hand: The lovely Mr. Depp is potentially available once again.

Don't get me wrong, he truly has my deepest sympathy regarding the recent end of his long-term relationship. In fact, I'm so sympathetic to his plight that I'd be more than happy to provide a comforting shoulder and a compassionate ear should he find himself in need of friendly reassurance.

I've had my eye on Johnny Depp since "21 Jump Street" premiered on the then-fledgling Fox network. (Yes, I realize that statement dates me somewhat. I'm getting to be an old broad. So? I'm still younger than he is.) Since then, he's often chosen interesting and/or quirky movie roles, and has turned in some brilliant performances in them. He is an exceptionally gifted actor. I have not seen all his films... and yes, there are certainly some bombs in his body of work, but the myriad of vastly different roles he's taken on speaks for itself.

Arrrrgh, indeed!
But I, like a gajillion other smitten ladies, would probably agree that his best-loved role has been that of Captain Jack Sparrow. Who doesn't like a charming pirate, right? And Johnny Depp makes Jack Sparrow such an irresistible scoundrel! That man just shivers me timbers. He can plunder my booty any time! I'd like to walk HIS plank. (Sorry... had to get those pirate double entendres out of my system.) But seriously, I'd love to hoist a Jolly Roger with him. He can even pillage my dubloons. Yo-ho-ho, baby! (Couldn't resist.)

So, if Mr. Depp happens to stumble upon this blog, I'd like him to know that I'm available for dinner, lunch, movie premiers, etc. I'm also willing to be a backup singer for his band. (I do have some singing experience. Booyah!) Plus, we have something in common... we both look good in hats. Seriously, that man can wear the hell out of a hat! He seems to have an affinity for headwear, and I don't think any other man in Hollywood can match his dashing visage in one. I'd even massage his back since he recently injured it during filming of that Lone Ranger movie. It would be a sacrifice, but I'm a generous and giving person.

My husband will understand. Mr. Remarkable Monkey knows that Johnny Depp is one of only a few gentlemen I'd consider leaving him for.

Right. Like I and those gajillion other smitten ladies would ever stand a chance.
A girl can dream, though. ****siiiiigh****

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