I Had A Dad - Addendum

So..... Father's Day. This was always a somewhat awkward day for me. I was only ten or eleven when my parents separated, so the stuff expressed in most Father's Day cards was foreign to me. Growing up, I never got my allowance from my dad. I never borrowed his car. I never asked him for dating advice, never cried on his shoulder when my heart got broken, never went to a father-daughter dinner or dance... you know, all that typical cheesy schmaltzy crap that is the earmark of Hallmark. Most cards reflect a close father-child relationship, and given the space between us, those types of greetings didn't really seem appropriate. And yet we DID have a friendly and familial relationship during most of my adulthood. There wasn't much of a selection of cards that seemed to fit our unique relationship, so choosing the right Father's Day card to send my dad was always something of a challenge.

I wasn't faced with that challenge this year, and I felt that void acutely. I knew that Father's Day this year would be a little difficult, but I didn't expect it to hit me as hard as it has. Despite the geographic and emotional miles that had been between us, I am missing my dad today.

Maybe it's the finality of it settling in... that he's really gone now, not just far away. Maybe I'm feeling all the evaporated hopes of finally visiting him and having him show me the Hawaii that he knew and loved. Maybe I'm feeling all the lost opportunities we may have had to eventually build a closer relationship. I know I'm missing the back-and-forth e-mail banter we enjoyed. And I think I'm especially sad that there's one less person in the world that I knew I could count on to root for me, to be proud of me, to help celebrate my accomplishments and encourage me when I failed. Our relationship had its scars, but I still had a father who loved me, and called me his "Dotter". I'm feeling the loss of his presence in my life.

Mr. Remarkable Monkey went up to his folks' today to celebrate Father's Day with his dad. I like my in-laws well enough and my father-in-law is a gem, but I just didn't feel up to spending Father's Day with someone else's dad this year.

Dad c.2000

Instead, I chose to stay home and honor my dad's memory in a way that I think would make him happy. And so I'm sitting on the patio, writing. My dad was something of a writer... he was even published a time or two. And I'm sipping a glass of Glenfiddich, his favorite Scotch. I don't know if he took it neat, or with water or on the rocks... I may never know now. I opted for neat. And while I'm not a fan of whiskey, I gotta say... the Glenfiddich is not too bad. I guess Dad is still teaching me things after all.

Cheers, Dad.
I miss you.

Father's Day

My dad was overseas in a combat zone when I was born. By the time he came home, I'm told I was a crying, colicky baby. Who enjoys crying colicky babies? So maybe we just got started on the wrong foot. There were also other issues that strained our father/daughter relationship during my childhood, and when my parents split, my dad moved practically half way around the world. Those were the days before tha interwebz and skype and e-mail... long distance communication was a lot harder then! I've only seen him in person two or three times since I was 10 years old, and the last time was over 20 years ago. So it was difficult to mend our fences, settle our differences and get to know each other.

We eventually buried the hatchet and presently have a friendly relationship, mostly via e-mail, but I still can't say that I know my dad REALLY well. I don't know what his favorite color is, or his favorite music, or his favorite meal, or what he'd do if he ever won a million bucks... all those little mundane things that close families know about each other.

But here's what I do know about him... he's got a genius-level IQ and photographic memory. He has perfect pitch, and can also play guitar really well. He's got a wicked sense of humor and a quick wit. That's not a bad gene pool for me to be swimming around in, and I'm fortunate to have inherited a little of his smarts and talent. I think the wavy curls in my hair came from him, too. Not sure about my stubbornness and fiery temper... there's a generous amount of those qualities on BOTH sides of my DNA!

I remember in second grade, he made a Kool-Aid cake for my birthday. And he used to bake cinnamon swirl bread sometimes (I still have the recipe). He made gorgeous stained glass terrariums in his spare time for a while. Once on a beach vacation, we kids had a blast when he'd toss us backwards into the waves.

So Dad, thanks for helping to make me the person I am today, even from afar. I hope you have a wonderful Father's Day!